Classes & Characters: Barbarians
Barbarians.
Just the word brings to mind a certain image, doesn’t it? Feral men and women from brutal societies, forged in blood and battle, and standing apart from civilized societies and playing by their own rules. These fearsome badasses are known to come in hordes, but occasionally they stand alone as a single point of savagery (sometimes even amongst their own people). As a frequent D&D player, I have come across many players who want to reach deep down into the animal inside of them and let fly with a rampage all over a carefully crafted campaign that at times was not prepared for such savagery. But I’m not here to talk about Ivar the Onion or Gorak the Abominable (both real characters from past games I have run), but instead to cross into the realms of different fantasy book characters I have encountered that I think fit the D&D Barbarian archetype.
Because why not?
The 5th Edition Players Handbook states that barbarians ‘are defined by their rage: unbridled, unquenchable, and unthinking fury.’ These warriors are often perceived as primal forces, subscribing to a lifestyle where survival of the fittest is the only philosophy. They’re berserkers who always run toward danger and will swing a blade first and ask questions later. As a Dungeon Master myself, I love to have a barbarian at my table and as a reader, I love a well done berserker. Watching a skilled fighter fly into a proper rampage, the world sharpening while everything goes red around the edges, is a thing of beauty. So that’s sort of the wheelhouse I’m going to be standing in when I go through the brief list. I’m looking for rage, I’m looking for brutality, I’m looking for battle acumen, I’m looking for noteworthy deeds. And, because no good barbarian is found without one, I am looking for some freaking cool weapons.
Before we begin, this list contains *Spoilers*. If you are currently engaged with or mean to read any of the following series, turn back before it’s too late: The First Law, The Great Leveler, The Age of Madness, Malazan Book of the Fallen, The Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice & Fire.
First things first, I’m going to begin with a mandatory nod to a couple choices that were too obvious to discuss: Conan the Cimmerian, Red Sonja, Xena, He-Man, and She-Ra. They’re iconic and seemed like lazy choices. No disrespect to any of these barbarous pals and gals, but we’re not doing it.
Logen Ninefingers
You can’t talk about barbarians without mentioning the North from Joe Abercrombie’s First Law series. It’s a cold, desolate place that fosters a people that are hard as winter ice and sharp as the steel they carry (you can never have too many knives, after all). And you can’t talk about the North without mentioning the most feared man there, Bloody-Nine himself: Logen Ninefingers.
As is typical of your barbarians, Logen is a big man. No, like, a big man. His tangled mane makes him look like a wild animal and the mess of scars that has made a mosaic of his skin mark him as one hell of a brawler. When we meet Logen in The Blade Itself, he’s already a Named man (a sign of status amongst Northern warriors) and has well earned his bloody reputation after having spent years as the Champion of Bethod, who is now King in the North. He’s fought in battles, won single combats ten times against every hard bastard the North has to offer, and he’s still alive (a phrase he seems to use as something of a mantra now, muttering it to himself whenever he’s in a tight spot).
But all this blood and death had weighed on the young warrior (who is in his early 30s, if I recall correctly), and after being exiled by his would-be king and separated from his loyal crew, he consults with the spirits and finds a chance to leave all that behind and go on a quest with a wizard to bring magic back into the world (I’m not going to go through the whole plot of the series, but that’s the gist of it). So off he goes, hoping he can be a better man and leave his dark past behind him.
But where there’s Logen Ninefingers, there is also the Bloody-Nine.
The Bloody-Nine is a sort of alternate personality of our boy Logen, and the reason that he is so feared amongst the warriors of the North. It’s never actually clear if the thing that lives inside Logen is a demonic entity, a restless spirit, or if it’s an split personality, but in any case it is a perfect example of a berserker rage, which loops back to our main purpose here. While reading these books, when that switch is flipped from Logen to the Bloody-Nine, it’s actually chilling (especially if you have ever listened to Steven Pacey reading the audiobooks). He turns from a reasonable man to a insatiable bloodthirsty maniac, gaining the ability to go beyond pain, fear, or fatigue in his lustful rage to do one thing and one thing only: kill. His strength becomes explosive, his tactics savage, and everyone standing before him is considered to be dead already, they just don’t know it yet. And this applies to both friend and foe.
Weapon of Choice: Logen is a swordsman primarily, but carries as many concealed knives as he can (an old habit from his days in the circle, where you never know what the other bastard is going to bring in to try and kill you). Early in the series, the First of the Magi gives him a sword forged by the Master Maker Kanedias; it’s a brutish weapon of simple grey steel, terribly sharp and evidently needing no maintenance to maintain its edge. At first I thought this weapon was kind of lame, but honestly it’s perfect for the character. Hardy and practical, but with an edge that never dulls.
Most Barbarous Moment: There are many times when the Bloody-Nine rears his ugly head in The First Law trilogy, with death and destruction following as he goes on an unstoppable killing spree, but I think the best embodiment of the spirit of the D&D style barbarian is when Logen faces off against Fenris the Feared in The Last Argument of Kings. It’s impossible to sum up this fight in a few short sentences, but I will try. Fenris the Feared, a resurrected horror from the past who is serving as Bethod’s new champion after Logen’s exile, is a massive creature with half his body clad in armour while the other is covered in scrawling blue script. With a reputation of being unkillable and with a brutal appetite for violence, he has swiftly usurped Logen as the most feared fighter in the North. When Logen shows up to join the rebellion against Bethod, it predictably manifests turns the conflict into single combat between these two and for the first bit, the Feared absolutely hands Logen is ass. Just when you think the battle is over though, that cold feeling starts in the pit of his stomach and the Bloody-Nine comes out and… It’s just magical.
In all honesty, I adore Ninefingers. His character is complex and deep, a philosophical man drowning in the depths of his own atrocities and trying to leave the past behind while battling with the doubt that he actually can. He is wise, cunning, and thoughtful in place of the brutish arrogance that other barbarian characters carry, but unfortunately never able to shake the past as violence follows him. Partially because he doesn’t really want to. He knows deep down that he is who he is, because as Logen so often says, you have to be realistic about these things.
The Bloody-Nine is not just a hero to some, but the villain to so many others. His dark history has left many scores to settle, which brings us to our next barbarian…
Caul Shivers
Another Named man from Abercrombie’s Northmen, Caul Shivers is introduced to us in the second book of The First Law trilogy as a man whose consumed by the idea of vengeance against the Bloody-Nine for the deaths of his father and brother. The youngest son of a chieftain who opposed Bethod as King, when his older brother was captured by the Logen Ninefingers in battle, Bethod tried to sue for peace with Shivers’ father by using the older brother as a bargaining chip. But the Bloody-Nine cannot be denied and butchers the older brother regardless, whose death pushed Shivers’ father to drink himself into an early grave.
When we meet Shivers in The First Law trilogy, he struck me as a fiery young man who seemed likely to get himself killed. He’s passionate in his dislike of Bethod as the Northern King, even deserting him to go and join the rebels (despite them being the Bloody-Nine’s old crew). To be honest, I found him a bit one noted with the whole “I’m gonna kill the Bloody-Nine” thing but he does grow out of that when he gives up the grudge, admitting that he hated his father and brother anyway. He may not like Logen, but he does support him when he ascends to his brief stint as King of the North and does not participate in the betrayal that leads to Logen’s abrupt dethroning. In fact, that betrayal spurs him to desert the North entirely and follow a Logen-esque path in hopes of becoming a better man that’s intent on living a life doing the right thing.
And that’s really where everything goes wrong for him.
It’s during The Great Leveler trilogy, particularly in the events of Best Served Cold, that Shivers comes into the barbarous nature that lands him on this list. While hoping to be a better man, he falls in with Monza Murcatto and her revenge plot to kill eight men, witnessing some truly horrific carnage and even being subjected to extreme violence himself; the most notable being where his eye is burned out by torturers, leaving half his face horribly disfigured. Which, in my opinion, is where he pretty much snaps and starts his dissent into his reputation as an stone cold killer who doesn’t care about anything anymore, frequently expressing a dark humour when it comes to killing.
After BSC, Shivers is a fairly prominent character through the rest of The Great Leveler novels and into The Age of Madness. Gone is the fiery youth we met originally, replaced by a low speaking murderer who no one ever really seems able to pin down. He leaps from one camp to the other after perceived slights to his honour and even goes on a hunt for Ninefingers again in Red Country upon hearing that he might have survived the coup that overthrew his brief stint on the Northern throne.
Weapon of Choice: In Best Served Cold, I seem to recall him favouring an axe. It went with his Northman look and he could wield it well enough. However, after the events of The Heroes, he ends up with the Master Maker’s sword that Logen lost to Black Dow when he usurped the throne. Funny how these “torches” pass, eh?
Most Barbarous Moment: As with Logen, there are a lot of contenders for this. Murdering the young Count Foscar or turning on Monza in BSC, or when he buried the Maker’s Sword in Black Dow’s head for calling him ‘his dog’. But I think the one that comes to mind readily for me is further on in The Trouble With Peace. After Rikke betrays the alliance and takes Uffrith from Stour Nightfall, the cold and unhesitating precision with which Shivers cut out the tendons behind the man’s knees before stuffing him into a cage to be put on display in the hall was quite shocking.
Shivers is undoubtedly a barbarian, his quiet rage palpable through the pages. It’s the different from Ninefingers’ blazing fury that makes his rampaging moments all the more impactful owing to the fact that sometimes you just don’t see them coming. Instead of a frothing at the mouth charge, he just kind of sidles in next to the target and the next thing they know is… they’re back to the mud.
Shivers may be a cold-blooded killer, but even his style can’t match the detached lethality of…
Karsa Orlong
WITNESS!!!
Karsa fucking Orlong. This guy gives a new meaning to the word savage. He’s the very embodiment of a vulgar display of power. Seven feet tall, muscled, and determined, this young Teblor warrior joins us in House of Chains (Book 4 of the Malazan Book of the Fallen), hacking and slashing his way through the “children” (read: grown men) of Genabackis, only to be captured and enslaved, only to declare war on the entire Malazan Empire for the insult once he fights his way free.
That’s right. The whole empire. And he does not disappoint.
Confident, arrogant, and lethal, Karsa Orlong is truly cold steel of barbarian fury. He is single-minded but don’t let that fool you, he is quite intelligent. His rampages are not chaotic, but rampages nonetheless. He can do what he wants, when he wants, because there is no one strong enough to stop him. He dolls out death with cold calculation and efficient strokes, his supreme battle acumen backing his preferred tactic: kill. Never a wasted movement, never a wasted word. Simply witness and he will be the last one standing.
There’s honestly so much I could say about Karsa Orlong (because there is just so much Malazan) and it wouldn’t do him justice. His story arc is long and twisting, starting in book 4 and peppered in up to book 10. He’s the quintessential barbarian in my eyes, going so far as to not just passively deject society but actually arguing for long pages arguing with Samar Dev about how needless civilization is and how his way is better.
Weapon of Choice: When we first meet Karsa, he is partial to an Ironwood sword. But after Icarium snaps his weapon, he claims a flint sword given to him by his gods. The sword is nearly as long as he is tall and he promptly uses it to murder the aforementioned gods for their slight of using him as a pawn to regain physical form.
Most Barbarous Moment: Again. There is just so much Malazan. It’s hard to pick out Karsa’s most brutal moment. Is it knocking out the unbeatable Icarium Lifestealer with a single punch? Killing his own gods? Hurling armoured guards through the square when they try to halt his progress? Slaying the Hounds of Darkness and dragging their heads back to the Holy Desert Raraku? So many choices.
But, if I have to pick one, I will go with the instance in Reaper’s Gale when Karsa opts to challenge the immortal Emperor Rhulad Sengar, who has been summoning champions who believe they can kill him. Karsa sees through the trick and allows Rhulad to stab him through the leg with the magic god-given sword that is keeping the emperor alive. He then cuts off Rhulad’s arm and is transported to the Crippled God, who he threatens and denies picking up, forbidding anyone from ever taking up the sword again.
Just challenging gods on a regular, no big deal.
There’s honestly so many more thing Karsa did that were noteworthy, but we have to cut it somewhere. Besides his brutal killings though, he’s actually hilarious. His one liners are the best in the series, in my opinion, and he actually gets the girl in the end when he hooks up with Samar Dev. Happy times.
Honourable Mentions
Hetan Taur, Malazan Book of the Fallen - a member of the nomadic Barghast tribes, she didn’t have that berserker rage necessary to make the list properly. Her libido is legendary though, throwing her right in amongst the beefcakes who just want to fuck and fight.
Icarium, Malazan Book of the Fallen - while definitely a barbarian class character, his “switch flip” is too similar to Ninefingers. I also tried my best to stray away from immortal characters.
Taarna the Taarakian, Heavy Metal - the story was cool, both in print and on screen, but I felt like I didn’t have enough to say about her because it’s just so short.
Eowyn, The Lord of the Rings - The Shieldmaiden of Rohan was a hard choice to omit. She definitely has rage, that fighting spirit driving her to disobedience and disguise in order to fight for her people, but she’s not exactly the same category of barbarous that I was looking for. Props for killing the Witch King of Angmar though.
Dishonourable Mentions
Khal Drogo, A Game of Thrones - I thought about Khal Drogo but I ultimately didn’t include him. And it’s not just because Dothraki horse culture is stupid. This guy is like a barbarian cosplayer. Sure, he lives a savage existence of battle and blah blah blah, but he has no real firsthand “Holy shit!” moments beyond pouring molten gold over Viserys’ head. Plus he dies to a single cut. Strong Belwas would be ashamed.
Anyways, that’s the post! Hope you enjoyed my ramblings. I am planning to go through each D&D class in a similar fashion and pick out a few characters for each that I feel embody the spirit of the class, so stay tuned for that!
Have a favourite barbarian that I didn’t mention that you felt was worthy of inclusion? Head to the comment section and let’s chat about it.
Want to call me a bonehead who doesn’t know a barbarian from his own ass? Head to the comment section and let’s chat about it.
As always, thanks for stopping by The Dump.